how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
