I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
