miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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