i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
