But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
