I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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