listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
