I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize