last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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