I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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