I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
