I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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