I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were trust falling into bushes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
