Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
