The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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