I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
