Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
