take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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