your room smells of hookers.
And success
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
