you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
