its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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