I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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