Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
