You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
