I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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