Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize