He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
