i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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