I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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