You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
