Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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