My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
