I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize