You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
