So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need moral support for this bender
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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