you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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