No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
