I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize