Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's not cheating when I paid for it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
