Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize