How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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