his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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