those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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