i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
