i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
