I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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