He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
