Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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