And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize