I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize