I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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