look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
