I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
