Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
