i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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