I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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