I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
