yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
