We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
