I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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