that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
