I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
