haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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