So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
