nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
bring money and cleavage
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
