man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
