dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
