Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
